Emotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont do

Emotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont doEmotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont doWe all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship. Whatever the challenge, you have to see things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.It sounds easy, but it isnt.Its fascinating how mentally strong people tischplatzdeckchen themselves apart from the crowd. Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that mental strength comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. Its easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, mental strength is under your control, and its a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).When it first appeared to the masses, emotional intelligence served as the missing link in a peculiar finding people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the most important source of success.Decades of research now point to EQ being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high EQ.Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence 2.0book.Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free, so Ive analyzed the data from the million-plus peop leTalentSmarthas tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what youdontdo is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.The beauty of EQ is that its a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort. Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally niveauvoll people. If youre up for it, start with these critical things that emotionally anspruchsvoll people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isnt careful.They dont stay in their comfort zone.Self-awareness is the foundation of EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isnt comfortable. You cant increase your EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look at yourself, you arent going to like everything you see. Its more comfortable to keep the b linders on, but they make certain that youll never have a high EQ.They dont give in to fear.They say that bravery is being scared to death to do something and doing it anyway. Many times, thats true, even when it comes to your career. The fear doesnt have to come from something as extreme as rushing into a burning building it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, youve already lost. Its not that emotionally intelligent people arent afraid- they simply pick themselves up and fight on regardless of the fear.They dont stop believing in themselves.Emotionally intelligent people persevere. They dont give up in the face of failure, and they dont give up because theyre tired or uncomfortable. Theyre focused on their goals, not on momentary feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They dont take failing to mean that theyre a failure. Likewise, they dont let the opinions of other s keep them from chasing their dreams. When someone says, Youll never be able to do that, they regard it as one persons opinion, which is all it is.They dont beg for attention.People who are always begging for attention are needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity. Emotionally intelligent people couldnt care less about attention. They do what they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is stroking their ego.They dont act like jerks.People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure. They act like jerks because they dont have the emotional strength to be nice when they dont feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the kind of mood theyre in.They dont hold grudges.The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can hav e devastating health consequences over time. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.They dont hang around negative people.Negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to negative people because they dont want to be seen as callous or rude, but theres a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear to someone and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. Emotionally intelligent people avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing themselves from negative people when necessary. Think of it this way If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? Youd distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people.They dont feel sorry for themselves.Heres the worst thing about feeling sorry for yourself, other than it being annoying, of course it shifts your locus of control outside yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is, in essence, declaring that youre a helpless victim of circumstance. Emotionally intelligent people never feel sorry for themselves because that would mean giving up their power.They dont feel entitled.Emotionally intelligent people believe that the world is a meritocracy and that the only things that they deserve are those that they earn. People who lack EQ often feel entitled. They think that the world owes them something. Again, its about locus of control. Emotionally intelligent people know that they alone are responsible for their successes or failures.They dont close their minds.When people close their minds to new information or opinions, its typically because they find them threatening. They thi nk that admitting that someone else is right means that theyre wrong, and thats very uncomfortable for people lacking EQ. Emotionally intelligent people arent threatened by new things theyre open to new information and new ideas, even if it means admitting that they are wrong.They dont letanyonelimit their joy.When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something theyve done, they dont let anyones opinions or accomplishments take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself with others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain- youre never as goo d or bad as they say you are.They dont get eaten up by jealousy and envy.Emotionally intelligent people understand that the happiness and success of others doesnt take away from their own, so jealousy and envy arent an issue for them. They see success as being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others successes.They dont live in the past.Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe youll achieve a better outcome in the future. fruchtwein of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that arent easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they cant do this if theyre living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you cant allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens- your past becomes your present and prevents you from moving forward.B ringing It All TogetherImproving your emotional intelligence is the single most important thing you can do to advance your career. The good news is that you can make it happen with a little determination, effort, and a good model to follow.Travis Bradberry is the coauthor ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.Emotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont doWe all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship. Whatever the challenge, you have to see things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.It sounds easy, but it isnt.Its fascinating how mentally strong people set themselves apart from the crowd. Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that mental strength comes f rom natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. Its easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, mental strength is under your control, and its a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreWhen it first appeared to the masses, emotional intelligence served as the missing link in a peculiar finding people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the most important source of success.Decades of research now point to EQ being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high EQ.Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence 2.0book.Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free, so Ive analyzed the data from the million-plus peopleTalentSmarthas tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what youdontdo is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.The beauty of EQ is that its a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort. Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally intelligent people. If youre up for it, start with these critical things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isnt careful.They dont stay in their comfort zone.Self-awareness is the foundation of EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isnt comfortable. You cant increase your EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look at yourself, you arent going to like everything you see. Its more comfortable to keep the blinders on, but they make certain that youll never have a high EQ.They dont give in to fear.They say that bravery is being scared to death to do something and doing it anyway. Many times, thats true, even when it comes to your career. The fear doesnt have to come from something as extreme as rushing into a burning building it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, youve already lost. Its not that emotionally intelligent people arent afraid- they simply pick themse lves up and fight on regardless of the fear.They dont stop believing in themselves.Emotionally intelligent people persevere. They dont give up in the face of failure, and they dont give up because theyre tired or uncomfortable. Theyre focused on their goals, not on momentary feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They dont take failing to mean that theyre a failure. Likewise, they dont let the opinions of others keep them from chasing their dreams. When someone says, Youll never be able to do that, they regard it as one persons opinion, which is all it is.They dont beg for attention.People who are always begging for attention are needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity. Emotionally intelligent people couldnt care less about attention. They do what they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is stroking their ego.They dont act like jerks.People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure. The y act like jerks because they dont have the emotional strength to be nice when they dont feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the kind of mood theyre in.They dont hold grudges.The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.They dont hang around negative people.Negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to nega tive people because they dont want to be seen as callous or rude, but theres a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear to someone and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. Emotionally intelligent people avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing themselves from negative people when necessary. Think of it this way If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? Youd distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people.They dont feel sorry for themselves.Heres the worst thing about feeling sorry for yourself, other than it being annoying, of course it shifts your locus of control outside yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is, in essence, declaring that youre a helpless victim of circumstance. Emotionally intelligent people never feel sorry for themselves because that would mean giving up their power.They dont feel entitled.Emotionally intelligent people believe that the world is a meritocracy a nd that the only things that they deserve are those that they earn. People who lack EQ often feel entitled. They think that the world owes them something. Again, its about locus of control. Emotionally intelligent people know that they alone are responsible for their successes or failures.They dont close their minds.When people close their minds to new information or opinions, its typically because they find them threatening. They think that admitting that someone else is right means that theyre wrong, and thats very uncomfortable for people lacking EQ. Emotionally intelligent people arent threatened by new things theyre open to new information and new ideas, even if it means admitting that they are wrong.They dont letanyonelimit their joy.When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something theyve done, they dont let anyones opin ions or accomplishments take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself with others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain- youre never as good or bad as they say you are.They dont get eaten up by jealousy and envy.Emotionally intelligent people understand that the happiness and success of others doesnt take away from their own, so jealousy and envy arent an issue for them. They see success as being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others successes.They dont live in the past.Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe youll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that arent easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they cant do this if theyre living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you cant allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens- your past becomes your present and prevents you from moving forward.Bringing It All TogetherImproving your emotional intelligence is the single most important thing you can do to advance your career. The good news is that you can make it happen with a little determination, effort, and a good model to follow.Travis Bradberry is the coauthor ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Frankl ins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

These 4 mind tricks will help you kill it at job interviews

These 4 mind tricks will help you kill it at job interviewsThese 4 mind tricks will help you kill it at job interviewsJob interviews are a stressful situation where the stakes are high for you to deliver and impress. When youre on edge in these make-or-break scenarios, its all too easy to put your brain on autopilot and blurt out unrelated nonsense that may have your interviewer scooting away.To prevent that, we rounded up some of the best psychological mind tricks to get you in the confident and prepared headspace you need to ace an interview1) Act like youve already gotten the jobTo act confident, you need to visualize the finish line and embody the heart and soul of a winner. Thats the techniqueCapital One human resources executive Meghan Welch told Business Insider successful candidates have used.It helps if youve done the legwork to back this confidence up. Acting like youve got the job means you have solutions to questions interviewers bring up. That means preparing beforehand on questions interviewers can ask you, asking your friends to do mock interviews with you, and reading up on the company itself. When youre that prepared, it will come through in your body language.When youre acting as if you already have the role, your interviewers start to see you as a colleague more than one more candidate. For interviewers, Welch said this energy comes off as I am super excited about the aufgabe you are talking about right now and I have a whole bunch of ways I would love to solve it.Of course, you want to channel the energy of a successful job applicant, but you dont want to go overboard with it and cross the line into cocky delusion by telling your interviewer See you Monday2) Hire-me body language means mirroring your interviewerHow you deliver information can be as revealing as the information itself. Fidgeting hands, drumming fingers, and flailing gestures do not convey hire-me vibes, they expose your nerves. One of the easiest social cues to increase your hiring chances is making regular eye contact with your interviewer. Body language experts have found that when someone looks you in the eye, it indicates confidence, authority, and presence.Maintaining eye contact is basic body language knowledge. A more advanced class to take is consciously mirroring the tone, posture, mannerisms, and energy of your interviewer. Social psychologists call this the chameleon effect and have found that the mirroring increases your interviewers chances of liking you and smooths over interactions.So when your interviewer leans back, you lean back, too - but subtly. (You dont want to look like an actual mime.)3) Match what you wear to what you want to projectThe colors of what you wear to the interview signal what kind of person you are before you even open your mouth. A 2013CareerBuilder surveyof 2,000 hiring managers and human resources professionals found that colors act as mood rings - and blue was the best color you could wear to look professional .Here are the qualities the managers in the survey associated with each color Black Leadership Blue Team Player Gray Analytical White Organized Brown Dependable Red Power Orange CreativityAlthough orange signals creativity, it was also the color least liked by managers, with one in four reporting that it looked unprofessional.4) Be yourselfYou want to use these psychological tips to enhance the qualities you already have - interviewers can tell when youre being phony, and youll be penalized for it. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that candidates who have a strong drive to self-verify and present themselves authentically have a higher likelihood of success.In a job interview, we often try to present ourselves as perfect. Our study proves this instinct wrong, the studys lead author Dr. Celia Moore said. Interviewers perceive an overly polished self-representation as inauthentic and potentially misrepresentative. But ultimately, if you are a high-qual ity candidate, you can be yourself on the job market. You can be honest and authentic. And if you are, you will be more likely to get a job.

Know When Competitions Healthy in the Office - The Muse

Know When Competitions Healthy in the Office - The MuseKnow When Competitions Healthy in the Office Think about the people in your office you admire most Theyre likely ambitious, hard-working, and passionate. When you watch someone like this thriving in his or her environment, he or she will naturally encourage you to do the saatkorn. Driven people who work together will feed one anothers success, and, in the best case scenario, each member can shine and grow in his own right.When those same people are pitted against each other, something entirely different happens. An unhealthy competitive culture takes shape and with it, stress and distrust. When these are prominent in the workplace, poor performance and unnecessary conflict are almost inevitable. Your co-workers can be some of the most influential factors in your professional career. Pushing you to always improve yourself and your skills, they can help you get ahead. On the other hand, an exceedingly discouraging and toxic envir onment is one where your ideas arent heard, or, worse, are stolen. Here are some concrete ways to recognize when hard work leads to friendly competition and increased motivation- and when self-serving workplace habits lead to people fighting to be in the limelight. Competitions Healthy if Appreciation Encourages YouRemember the belastung time you were given a Great job or Amazing work on the last big project you spent weeks perfecting? Not only did it feel awesome at the time- it encouraged you to work hard next time, too. Recognizing accomplishments is often seen as an important part of celebrating both your individual achievements as well as your teams collective progress. Moreover, its a way to signal that meaningful results are valued every step of the way. When people make strides for their company, its encouraging for everyone to see that his or her efforts, along with the resulting successes, are bound to receive well-earned praise. Whats unhealthy is if those achievements ar e rewarded disproportionately, or worse, ignored entirely. That sour feeling you get every time the same person gets noticed for turning in spreadsheets on time while you sit on the sidelines feeling overlooked? Thats a problem. Appreciating people for excelling in their work should be encouraging and inspiring. But when done poorly, empty or misdirected praise can have an opposite effect.If you value your co-workers efforts and vice versa, youre most likely a part of a constructive culture that enables and empowers everyone to feel proud bringing their unique skills to the table.But Its Unhealthy if Performing Poorly Keeps You Up at NightIf there are big consequences to not performing as well as your peers- rational or not- the stress and pressure you feel could cause your work to suffer. When this becomes a regular problem, issues can manifest in a number of ways, such as with sleep deprivation, irritability and aggression, or general burnout. Think about the last time you worked on a project that felt so high-stakes that you did something drastic to produce results. Maybe the deadline was extremely urgent, for example, and you pulled an all-nighter because that was the only way to have a quick turnaround. Sure, you mightve gotten things in on time with little sleep, but the number of typos in your final presentation was embarrassing at best.Competition can drive success, but not if you lose yourself along the way. And when youre deeply caught up in what could be at stake, how could you possibly focus on anything else? A schedule so tight and uncompromising is a huge red flag You shouldnt feel like your job or reputation is at risk if you dont deliver results every single time. After all, a little flexibility and room for mistakes can be equally valuable.Competitions Healthy if Acknowledgement Is a Bonus, Not the RewardPraise is good, but it cant be everything. Even compliments will feel empty if its all youve been receiving for years of producing consistent ly great results. As Doug and Polly White write in Entreprenuer, employees need to understand how what they are doing is contributing to that success. An extremely useful form of feedback is when you are given the tools to improve. Specific and constructive criticism allows everyone on the team to continually improve going forward- with no feelings harmed in the process. Being able to think about your own growth competitively helps you compare yourself to yesterday, last month, or last year in a meaningful way. Of course, you shouldnt expect a promotion every time you get something right, and even still, thats not the only type of tangible reward out there. Skill growth and personal fulfillment ought to be pretty high up on your list of motivators- far above a public pat on the back from the CEO.Competitions Healthy if You Feel Comfortable Asking for Help So You Can ImproveIf your co-worker gave a killer presentation last week, it shouldnt feel weird asking her to quickly show you h ow she put it together. On the flipside, if your first reaction to sharing tips and tricks is feeling guarded, you should question where that suspicion comes from.In a cooperative, competitive office setting, employees should feel comfortable showcasing their skills and sharing them with those around them. Theres much to be gained from genuine collaboration. According to Alfie Kohn, author and speaker on human behavior, such an environment is highly productive in helping people to communicate effectively, to trust in others, and to accept those who are different from themselves.But Its Unhealthy if Youre So Intimidated by Your Colleagues That They Feel Like StrangersKnowing next to nothing about the people you spend 40 hours per week with is a sign that work is all there is worth talking about. When co-workers are completely closed off from one another socially, competition dominates their relationships, and the seeds of a toxic environment take root.If you couldnt care less about w ho your peers are when you all clock out and leave at the end of the day, you may be in such a place. According to Kohn, thats a recipe for hostility, and, its obviously not a pleasant situation to find yourself in. Because the definition of competition requires that very few people can win- meaning the majority of people involved will lose- you want to be careful youre not endorsing these practices in your day to day. Competitions Healthy if You Enjoy Collaborating But Insist That Your Ideas Are HeardGroup projects are a great environment for getting a temperature check on your companys competitive culture. A healthy setting- one that breeds confidence and pride in ones own abilities and ideas- encourages you to self-advocate and work in dialogue to get to a solution. On the other hand, a toxic community is one that feels stifling at best.No ones expecting you to be BFFs with the whole team, but you shouldnt be feeling jealousy or resentment toward a colleague so much so that it bl ocks the natural flow of communication. Next time youre working in a group, think about how easily- or not- youre able to contribute to the conversation. If its easy to jump in when it feels right, and to challenge one another respectfully, then yours is a team that values the process as much as it does the results.When it comes to colleagues who challenge, support, and encourage you (as opposed to ones who are only in it for themselves), competition is about collective motivation and growth more than it is about winning. And when things are especially difficult in the office, it can make all the difference to have a team you know you can fall back on.Photo of woman talking to colleague courtesy of Caiaimage/Sam Edwards/Getty Images.